Marriage Building Tips

Marriage Building in Manhattan Kansas

Kyle and I truly hope the marriage building weekly tip number one encouraged you, challenged you, and ultimately enriched your nightly routine’s!

We are excited to share tip number two with you because we have personally experienced such freedom in applying it ourselves.  We aren’t perfect and we continually have to encourage one another in this because just like you, we love to ‘feel’ connected.  We enjoy re-runs of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ (if that doesn’t age us any ;)) and we absolutely love Fixer Upper!  I love instagram and so enjoy sharing the beautiful lives of married bliss and tender family moments of those whom I’m so blessed to serve through my facebook business page.  Kyle likes to keep up with the world’s happenings and gets his sports ‘fix’ through catching a few games here and there.  And secretly wished he could live in Alaska with the Alaskan Bush people.  Okay, it’s settled, we are only human :).  But we realized something.  The things we give our lives to on a day-to-day basis truly effects our overall well-being, emotions, and our soul.  So with that here is our marriage tip number two:

‘Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.  You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.’ – Dallas Willard

2. Unplug the noise

You see, although those things listed above, the things we enjoy doing aren’t ‘bad’ things, we realized those things weren’t helping us.  In fact, we realized how much they were affecting our lives.  Kyle and I understand that everyone is different and not everyone is effected the same way as another, but in our experience our souls deepest longing and our souls deepest need was being drowned out by the noise.  All the noise…

Upon realizing this struggle and our need for margin and quiet, we decided a few months ago, that enough was enough.  We removed the t.v., turned off the cable and placed them where they weren’t as accessible and we started being intentional about not always having our phone’s ‘on-hand.’  You must know that although we’ve noticed this as a pattern in our lives, it’s never been so heavy on our hearts to see a change.  We wanted something more for our marriage and of our marriage.  Kyle and I also want you to know that the ‘act’ of us unplugging isn’t necessarily new to us.  For the majority of our marriage, in fact we’ve been without cable and smart phones, but this time we made the decision because of the lack of margin we had created in our lives.  By creating margin we have been able to live out the goals and intentions we set to reclaim passion, serenity, and relationship.

Reclaimed Passions

Turning off the the noise has allowed us to focus our attention on hobbies or passions that we often neglect (unintentionally) or would lack the time to spend on.  Electronics have a way of ‘nickle and diming’ every spare minute, eating away at precious time you have.  Time you could have to give to something that actually fills you with joy!   Kyle has a goal to read 30 books in his 30th year this year (Blog on that to come !:D).   ‘Leaders are readers’ and he finds great rest and satisfaction in picking up a book that inspires him to become better as a man, a husband, and as a father.   Quieting the noise has allowed him to pursue this goal and reap benefits because of it.

Reclaimed Serenity

I am generally a quiet person,  in fact Kyle and I both are, but I get anxious very easily causing me to worry or stress over things yet unseen.  This in turn causes me to rush or lack direction in my day-to-day.  My spirit or soul becomes discontent through this, therefore affecting my entire being.  So by reclaiming serenity or calm{ness} I have found myself finding joy and contentment more in my every day.  My spirit is more at rest with the daily responsibilities and is found less ‘pulled’ to constantly be ‘in the know’ which in turn gives me life; true peace and fulfillment.

Reclaimed Relationship

In reclaiming our passions and serenity we have been able to connect to ourselves, our souls which has allowed for fulfillment in our hearts rest.  This in turn has created a deeper connection in our marriage.  Kyle and I both hate it when either of us are distracted by our phones or the t.v. when talking to one another.  We enjoy seeing one another’s eyes as we speak because it shows the other that we care and that the person speaking has our undivided attention.  In quieting the noise around us, we have reclaimed intentional interactions with one another, which has reaped so many awesome rewards.    We’ve connected on a deeper level than we really ever have before and we’ve found laughter again!  Yes, laughter.  Laughter in marriage, for us has been hard at times because we are more ‘serious’ people.  So to unplug and find joy in one another again has been life-giving to each of us in so many ways.

We know it’s scary and it’s hard at times to create this margin of quieting the noise, but we promise it won’t be in vain.  So for each of you, we challenge you to think upon ways to create margin in your marriage or in your lives.  Ask yourselves how you can quiet the noise around you on a daily basis and then find a couple mornings or evenings together where unplugging is intentional.  Then BE intentional in that time.

The next marriage building tip for February’s ‘love month’ is on the importance of dreaming together.  We are excited to share the steps we’ve taken with you next time on Marriage Building Weekly!

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